Harper's Birth Story

I am forever going back and looking at Harper's pictures and what she was doing when she was Charlie or June's age.  It has made me realize that I really want to get back to blogging!  So, here goes!

I have been wanting to write about Harper's birth since she was born, but I've had so many emotions about it, I needed to be a little further removed before I dove back in to all the details.  Now, I don't even remember some of the details, so I better go ahead and record it, before I forget it completely.:)

Harper's due date was October 25th.  I worked that night and had intended on working the 26th as well, but called in so I could get my house clean before my Mom came into town.  I was banking on the baby being late, so my Mom didn't arrive until that Wednesday.  On Thursday, we did some shopping, went on a long walk and made "labor inducing" eggplant parmesan.

I went to bed at about 10 that night.  One funny thing: I asked Blair to take my picture which was only the second intentional "bump" picture I had taken my entire pregnancy.

About 4 hours after I went to bed, I woke up.  This wasn't unusual for me.  I'm always starving when I'm pregnant and usually wake up in the middle of the night for a snack.  Most nights I stay up for a couple of hours and watch TV and then head back to bed.  Although this particular night, while I was up eating my cereal I starting having some pain in my back and stomach.  It was so uncomfortable for me to sit, so I just started walking in circles around my kitchen island.  

After about an hour of that I was guessing that I was probably in labor, so I woke up Kyle to start timing my contractions.  They were pretty far apart and very irregular.  Around 4:30am I decided to a shower and then lay down for a nap.  I think I napped for a couple of hours and when I woke up my contractions were the same.  I got up to start walking again and then Kyle and I decided we would walk around the neighborhood.  I went to the restroom before heading out, felt a big gush and thought it might have been my water breaking, so I called my doctor's office and they told me to come on in.

We immediately got in the car and hit the interstate in the middle of morning rush hour traffic.  About 45min-1hr later, we were at my doctor's office and I could barely make it through a contraction.

Some back story.  I have been with my OB/GYN since 2006, trust her completely and really wanted her to deliver my baby.  She told me at 20 weeks that she was about 19 weeks pregnant.  She was due five days after me.  She gave me the opportunity to switch physicians but reassured me that she had carried her first two babies to term and would be working up until her baby decided to come.  Unfortunately, when she saw me on my due date, she let me know that her baby was having some cardiac arrhythmias in utero and she was going to be induced the next day.  I would see whichever doctor was on call for the remainder of my pregnancy, labor and delivery. 

I got lucky on the day that I went into labor because one of the founders of the practice was on call and she was so sweet and encouraging.  She checked me and told me I was only 3cm dilated.  I really didn't want to go to the hospital until I was 5cm, so I told her I wanted to go home.  She saw a couple of my contractions and felt like it was best if I went to the hospital.  My OB/GYN office was across the street from the hospital and I was really wanting to walk, so I walked to the hospital and up to labor and delivery.  

Once settled into my room I was in quite a bit of pain.  The nurse offered me fentanyl and I took her up on it.  That was a mistake.  It made me feel so horrible that all I could do was sit or lay in the bed.  I was foggy and still in pain and already feeling pretty defeated.  It was so hot with each contraction that I needed the fan on, but freezing and under blankets in between.  I was having stacked contractions and a lot of back labor.  They informed me that Harper was face up when they checked me at the doctors office.  I was hoping she would turn and the nurses gave me some tips on how to try to get her to turn.  In hind sight, I think walking would've been the best thing for her, but I was feeling unmotivated after the pain meds and uncomfortable in the hospital setting.  I didn't want anybody outside of my room to see me going through a contraction.  Kind of silly, I know.  At about 1:30pm the doctor came in to check me.  I was still 3cm!  I was so much pain and in shock.  How could I still be at a 3?  She encouraged me to get in the shower and try to relax.

While I was in the shower, I literally thought I was going to die from pain.  I know that's impossible, but my pain was definitely a 10/10!  Once I got out, I knew that I couldn't stand to be in that much pain for 7 more cm, especially since I had only gone 3 in 12 hours!  I called my nurse for the epidural.  At about 3:30, I received the epidural.  At that time I was 4cm and the doctor thought breaking my water would speed up my labor and would be okay.  She told me there was no reason that I shouldn't be able to have the baby vaginally.  I let her break my water.  At 4:30, I had not progressed and my contractions were becoming less intense.  One of my 8 nurses (I'm not sure that I even had a primary nurse at some points) suggested pitocin.  I didn't want it, but I was afraid I would be in labor all night and they would make me have a c-section, so they started it.  Shortly after, Harper got tachycardic, so they stopped it.  She never recovered.  She started having decels.  So she would be tachycardic and then her heart rate would drop with each contraction.  

Around this time, the new on-call physician came in and let me know that I needed to have a c-section.  We discussed it for a bit and she agreed to let me have a little longer.  Harper continued to have decels and my contractions weren't as strong as they would have liked, so around 9pm the doctor came in and told me if I was not 10cm dilated I would need to have a c-section.  Unfortunately, I was only at 8.  I'm not sure if I was having a panic attack or actually transitioning, but as they wheeled me into the OR, I was having the most intense, painful contractions and throwing up.  They made Kyle wait outside until they had me adequately numb from the waist down.  I hated anytime during my labor that Kyle left my side and this time was definitely the hardest.  The OR was scary and I felt very little support or sympathy from the nurses and doctors.   Eventually, they let him in and by that point we were both so ready to meet our baby!

At 10:02pm, Harper was brought into the world.  She was a perfect 7lbs, 14 ounces and 21 inches long.  I was surprised at how pink she was!  You could tell by her swollen face and cone head that she had been trying her hardest to get out!  We had been convinced my entire pregnancy that she was a boy.  Kyle really wanted a girl and we were thrilled!

Recovery was easy physically, but extremely difficult emotionally.  I was walking around the next morning and even left the hospital the following day, but emotionally I felt un-fit to be this perfect little being's mother since I was unable to birth her myself.  I felt like a failure.  It took me about 10 months to work through Harper's birth and even then, I had a ton of anxiety about how my delivery would go with subsequent babies (more on that later;)).

I have since moved on and know that it really doesn't matter how Harper got here, just that she got here safely.  Plus, I have to give myself some credit for carrying her for 40+ weeks and being her sole source of nutrition for that long and six months after, right?:)

Charlie's is up next!